Advice for Prospective Expats

First, I want to make one thing clear.  This post is non-judgmental.  If I come off that way, it is not intended.  It is just the way I talk and I will be this way until the day I die.  In fact, I am completely aware that I am rather judgmental in general about certain things.  But this time, I really do not mean to be....

I'm sitting here having a ridiculously mature conversation with my ten year-old daughter, Sophia, about leaving here in five months.  This is the stubborn child who, almost immediately loved Singapore and made friends easily, but who would JUST NOT ADMIT that she loved it here.  It was always, "I like it here BUT I like the US better!!"  (you can almost picture her sticking her tongue out at us!) 

So with the boys in bed, and us about to embark on a mother-daughter service trip to Cambodia, we had a nice chat.

We decided on one concrete thing - it is way better to have to leave all these people than it would be to have never met them in the first place.  I had stated that on a previous post when a great friend moved home to the US and it's really hitting home now for us. 

But what I really wanted to touch on in this post is the possibility of YOU becoming an expat somewhere.  Because you know what, this just didn't fall into our laps.  We ASKED for it.  You can too.   So many of you say you wish you could do what we're doing.  Others I know say they would never do it.  I get the first half, and I hope to change the minds of the other half.  

Here is our story.  In October of 2011, I mentioned to Jason that I would love to go overseas.  What is so funny, is that a major part of why I wanted to was because of my high school friend, Amy Harrison Thogmartin.  She was my best friend sophomore/junior year and her father (love that man!) was transferred to Singapore fall of junior year.  So how many of you are now thinking, "I would never move my kids in high school!"  Well you know what, she LOVED it and still has a great network of her Singapore American School Friends. And this was before that whole crazy thing called cell phones and internet. 

This is what has always fascinated me about moving.  Most people think it is a detriment to the kids.  In MY experience, it was always a good thing.  Because of my father's chosen field, human resources, we moved quite a bit when I was a child.  Eight times before I got to settle into high school to be exact.  Now, I never had to move in high school, unlike Amy, so I cannot personally speak to that, but the other moves were not a problem for me.  I know that my brother and sister (twins) maybe didn't like it as much as I did, but I adjusted well each time and I am eternally grateful for what I consider to be a byproduct of that - an ability to easily meet people. 

But we're talking just moving up and down the east coast of the US - nothing like Singapore.  So back to October of 2011 -  I'm already ready to go pretty much anywhere.  Jason has moved once - a few miles - in his entire life.  I was pretty surprised he was totally on board.  He also never had a pet before we met, and our dog is probably more important to him than I am - so go figure.  Within a week, he was discussing a possible move to Shanghai with someone.  Now I am very liberal in where I'll go, and I still think I would have gone, but at the time Sophia had just gotten over a horrible bout of pneumonia, and I was very nervous over the air quality standards.  I remember sitting in our bed at night talking and saying, "If it was just Singapore, we'd say yes in a second!"

About a week or two later, Jason was approached about a job in Singapore and had an interview with his current boss, who happened to be in New York.  They had been searching for someone with Jason's qualifications for a while and had no luck, so they were turning the search worldwide.  They clicked and it was soon a done deal.   By January, we were in Singapore on our "look see visit".   By the end of the month, Jason had a plane ticket out of the US and our house was on the market.  

I have to tell you all, it has been the most AMAZING experience of my life.  We've been to the Philippines, Cambodia, Australia, Thailand, Malaysia, Vietnam, Sri Lanka and Indonesia in less than 18 months.  We've seen villages where people sleep on wood slats and have no running water to areas ravaged by tsunamis to the gorgeous Sydney Opera House.

My children have made friends all over the world.  Just last week I was talking to the mother of Sophia's best friend.  They will most likely move to Sweden after Singapore, and she (Liisa) has already asked if it would be possible for Sophia to be an exchange student for a year in high school.  Great friends just left to go back to Texas and I'm about to book a plane ticket for Sophia to go visit her friend this summer. 

I just cannot describe how life-changing a decision like this can be.  There is nothing wrong with living in the same town your whole life (whole set of different positives) but if you want or are ever offered the chance to do something like this, JUST DO IT.  It won't always be perfect...what in life is??  But my friend, Jennifer Krouse Tynes, who is currently on a way more difficult expat assignment in Bologna, Italy, would agree with me.   I see another expat friend from high school, Amy Chase Erickson, snowed in for eight months a year (I am exaggerating!) in Finland, but she is so happy!  It is still worth its weight in gold.  Your kids will gain so much in culture and confidence.  Not only am I a different person now, but my children are markedly different little people.  They have an awareness of things that I never had as a child, and I marvel at the adults they will become.

And besides all that, it's fun!  Jason works his butt off, but we've had the best time ever as a family here.  Use your resources and travel as much as you can.  We have taken every opportunity given to us, and I just lament not having more time.  My favorite places are no longer gorgeous beaches (except one - Batu Batu), but all the out of the way places that I can immerse myself in local culture.  I still want to go to Myanmar, Laos, Taiwan, Japan, the Maldives, CHINA, the list is endless....

So here I am, less than five months from coming home to the US.  I cannot wait to see my friends and family, but I am sick about leaving the people and places here.  I really get how the long-term people here don't want to get too attached to us short-term people, because I'm practically in tears on a daily basis and I'm not even going yet.  Luckily, we have plans to attend the wedding of two teachers at the school here in June in Georgia, so we can count on seeing a few familiar faces only three months after our return (thanks Maureen and Andrew!!).  It really helps.

Please do your family a service - if you ever have an opportunity to go overseas, no matter how young or old your children are - DO IT.  They will thank you, be it sooner or later.