Live-in help? No thank you.

This post is bound to be controversial, and I am totally prepared for it.  So as a HUGE DISCLAIMER, I'm going to start by saying that I, in no way, judge the millions of people in Singapore that have live-in help.  The problem is that I just cannot understand many things about it, and it is something that I am completely uncomfortable with.  Although I am told by everyone, including my hair stylist and the man who supervised the unloading of my container, that I will change my mind, I know myself enough to know that it's just not going to happen.  Here is why.

It's not just expatriates who utilize "helpers" here (also known as "maids"), it's most of the Singapore population.  These helpers are usually young, but not always, and come from neighboring countries such as Indonesia, Thailand or the Philippines.  They generally work six days a week, from early morning until bedtime, and are responsible (of course this varies) for all housekeeping, cooking, car washing and child minding, and sometimes grocery shopping and other errands.

They live in very small "rooms" of the apartments, it's even common for them to be expected to sleep on the floor in a corner of a room (that's more with the Singaporean population).  When looking for apartments, for example, ours would be advertised as a 3+1, meaning three bedrooms plus one for the helper.  Not that it could ever be considered a bedroom.  Ours is outside and we use it as a closet.  The bathroom next to it is about the size of a powder room, it has a shower attachment but no separate shower area.  We viewed an apartment that was still occupied and the helper room was just big enough to fit a twin bed with about two feet remaining.  Her clothes almost hung over her bed because there was nowhere else for them to go.

If you have a helper, you are responsible for their health care (which is very inexpensive in Singapore), their basic toiletries, feeding them and one trip home per year.  Let's just say from what I know, the feeding part is very basic.  Again this varies by family of course. 

Before I continue, here's the shocker.  The average salary for a helper is about $400.  A MONTH.  Some do not even get a day off.  I know someone who had a helper and got so used to it, that on her day off they used paper plates because they didn't want to wash dishes (dishwasher?).   How does that happen? 

But here is my biggest problem with it, besides the incomprehensible salary.  When I interact with a helper, I cannot bear the way they act as they think they are "less" than me.  When I am approaching the gate to my complex, which can fit one person through at a time, and a helper will stand and wait for me to go through first, I cringe.  I am no better than she is.  When I see a young couple crossing the street with one stroller and TWO helpers in tow, I want to cry.  When I am in line at the drugstore and the woman in front of me pays, gets her bag, and in the same breath hands it to her helper (who materialized out of nowhere I might add), I feel a little sick inside.

The flip side of the coin is that these girls/woman need work.  To them, this is a decent amount of money, most of which is sent back home to their families (many times, young children they have left in the care of family members).  Maybe it would be helping *them* if I employed one and I am just narrow-minded.  But for someone who has never had someone even clean her house, I can't imagine for the life of me what I would do with my time if I had a helper.  I want to cook my own meals.  My kids will be in school all day.  What the hell would I do with my time?  Not to mention I'm just uncomfortable with having a "stranger" living in my house, even though they are expected to retire to their room when not needed (how can I even type this stuff?).

There is one reason I can understand hiring a helper.  If you've moved to this country, and you have babies or toddlers.  It is very difficult to find childcare because of the prevalence of helpers, and it's very expensive.  In fact, it's just as expensive to have someone clean your house once a week as it is to house a full-time helper.  Crazy, right? 

Again, it may sound otherwise, but just because I have made a personal decision to live as a family of 4, not 4+1, doesn't mean I think you are bad if you 've chosen differently.  I just can't wrap my head around it, and choose to stay in my comfort zone.  Which is cleaning my own toilets and not having as many impromptu nights out with friends.  I can deal with that. 

And if someday I have to print a retraction and you all get to make fun of me, than so be it.  This is how I feel right now.

End note:  When Cooper and Sophia had sleepovers last Friday night, one of which was at a house with a helper and we went out with the parents, it was really nice.  I seriously wanted to pay their helper, which is not allowed.  But the irony is not lost on me.  I enjoyed the convenience and I cannot deny it.  But I'm in hot pursuit of teenagers in my condo complex so I can have babysitters.  Hope they're out there!